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© Richard J Tilley. All Rights Reserved.
balance = properly appraised
balances = property appraised
Recently I wrote the poem, “A Vision of Sands,” about seeing my God with Her clinched hand, either about to rescue her people or already in the process of already doing so. This was not poetic extravagance, but an actual minor vision I experienced. This was far from the first time over the years, the decades. I have become used to an occasion conversation, dream, or visual representation in which meaning is meant to be derived. Granted, one should be warned that this came alongside and after a great deal of severe punishment from God. I no longer follow any Abrahamic religion, though I do still find many small, separate truths, not as dogma, but as wisdom literature. I now follow a God that has been unseen, never written about, remains unclear to the common religious fanatic, but still speaks through the universal signatures that hold steady hearts together, both collectively and individually.
When the recent Israeli war on Palestinians began I hid what progressive, feminist, religious writing that I had online because I did not want to be associated with Judaism. I could see what was coming. Yes, I fully understand that the actions of one government and military should not interfere with religious beliefs or their interpretation of them. However, what people do not understand is that the majority of progressive American Jews, despite their beliefs on social progressive issues, still support the Israeli government unconditionally. I recall telling my rabbi that Palestinians were oppressed. This was years ago. To her credit, while she disagreed with me, she didn’t hold it against me. She accepted my position readily. In the end, I backed out of my year-long conversion three days before my final mikveh ritual. I had a panic attack about being naked in front of strangers. I was still and perhaps am still traumatized from my previous marriage. I simply decided that was not what God expected from me, despite my years of unofficial Judaic practices before I began the year-long conversion process.
That being said, it has always weighed on my conscience to be associated with Judaism knowing that the spirit of God could not possibly rest within anyone who supported Israel unconditionally. The average person just does not realize what a majority opinion this is in America. We always hear about Jews condemning the actions of the Israeli government and military, but they are a vocal minority.
That being said, I have reconsidered my position to keep my religious writing offline. Perhaps, just maybe, someone will take a few steps towards a more forward thinking position if they review it. Maybe. And if I can do that, then maybe some good can be done.
Provoking God: Sacred Hope and Social Justice in the Hebrew Bible grew out of my master’s thesis. After I graduated with my master’s I continued the project and doubled the length of the project.
Labors of Freedom: God and Overcoming Violence-Societies is an unfinished work, mostly, because it eventually developed into what became another study project.
That would be Towards Post-Violence Societies: An Outline of Interdisciplinary Violence Studies and Violence Research. This is just part one of a two, maybe three, volume project. I have left violence studies alone for a while for personal reasons (i.e trauma) but have been making plans on getting started on volume two soon. Yes, there really is a field of Violence Studies. There are some great experts in the field as well. One would think, as a public service, this would be a common degree-oriented study among many universities, but to best of my knowledge there is only one university that offers a degree in the subject. That would be a Australian National University, in the English-speaking world at least, which offers a master’s in this field of study (last time I checked).
So, I am making my theological writing available online again. Regardless of the hypocrisy of the faithful and my departure from these beliefs, the content is still legitimate.
Below is my recent poem, “A Vision of Sands,”
I saw Her, my God,
Standing in desert
With the hint of a mountain
Behind Her
I saw Her hand
It was filthy
The filthy hand of my God
Her clothing was draped and
Wrapped between her thumb
And other fingers
She wore all white
But it was brown with
The sands of the ocean
Before Her
Behind Her
Whether She had just freed Her people
Or was in the process of about to do so
I could not tell
But I did see in Her curled, aged hand, determination
She, my God, was driven, divine, giving me hope
For a future, for liberation, for a detour on this course
Of community and political strife, life, and neglect
Gripping