An important part on my quest to speak to God, revisited

I did something I never thought I would do again. Though I had deleted these two websites, and before that I had hidden them from online access some time ago because I didn’t want an inkling of association with mass murderers, I, I don’t know, graduated to understanding why so many Catholics didn’t leave their denomination during the 90s (though many did). I have recently been exposed to a good deal of Latin American culture and how intertwined Catholicism is with their culture. I suppose that made it easier to accept Judaism as not a misguided part of my quest and discovery of God, but as the truly important part it played in my eventual discussions with God and coming to find the God with no established religion at all. I spent years, decades, studying Judeo-Christian texts, meaning, symbolism, and relationships. I also spent time away from those studies here and there. But, I came to realize I was not going to allow Israel’s mass murdering lack of a conscience and complete misunderstanding of their own God rob me of my own personal history, and even the very subject I wrote my master’s thesis on.

Though I did not technically become a Jew, I passed the year-long conversion process that I only embarked on years after I began studying and partially practicing Judaism. I only backed out three days before it would be over when I had a panic attack about being naked in front of stranger in the final Mikvah ceremony. I can never explain the number of times I have felt great relief that I did not take part in that final Mikvah ceremony over the years. I had explained to my rabbi when the conversion process began that I believed Palestinians were oppressed. This was years ago now, long before the genocide. To my rabbi’s credit, she did not hold it against me as a measure for conversion or anything else. She respected my perspective. Really, she didn’t seem incredibly surprised. One thing that did make me uncomfortable was the way she treated me like some sort of golden child just because I came to her already well-studied. It was a little ludicrous.

So I posted two of my theological long-from posts that are mostly rooted in progressive Judaism, but also include critical studies across the humanities.

I have posted them before so some of you may already be familiar with them, but they are back and I intend to keep them here: (My Former) Theology at redivivus.earth

However, please allow me to state for the record in case anyone reading this does not know me that well, it was not until a long time after I abandoned organized religion that I directly met God and was allowed to speak to God and finally got answers from God that I have struggled most of my life with. My God has no religion, no following, no writings, only relationships and stature of a magnificent being.