This just a short note based on my own experiences and my strong interest in Star Trek. There is a line of dialogue that a brilliant writer, Robert Hewitt Wolfe, probably didn’t know he was getting correct. In the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine season one episode, “In the Hands of the Prophets” (1993). Vedek Winn is talking about when Kai Opaka had told her that the reason a non-Bajoran was anointed the Emissary was because one should never look into the eyes of one’s own Gods. Despite how villainous Winn is, she still concedes that Opaka was correct.
I come across many examples of what meeting God is like in pop culture and almost 100% of those are not intentionally attempting to make such a statement. This particular statement attributed to Kai Opaka is indeed correct. I support it completely. Meeting God is very difficult. Please do not mistake my discussing God as having to be the Abrahamic God. What I can say is if you really put your entire being into being granted an audience with God, you will eventually get it if you are willing to go far enough. For me, it took a great deal of effort and practice to get there. My suffering to get there was significant.
It was not pleasant. God saw right through me. I hesitate to use the word “test” but for the first several years I found myself locked in a series of tests that I mostly failed, despite my best intentions. But even then I did not meet God. I am not sure what caused God to finally personally confront me, but God is light (and pure honesty) and light casts itself directly through you leaving nothing out. It was hard to deal with. It was extraordinary and terrifying. As Kai Opaka said, one should never look into the eyes of one’s own God. I would not recommend being so ambitious. Though, that being said, having put so much effort into finding God, I do think God watched my back on more than one occasion as life went on. For that I am grateful.
Being older now, there is more of an ongoing casual discussion with God. As of late that has been more distant. My lack of effort has put God at a distance, though there is clearly something She wants me to know. What is interesting is that despite God showing me all my faults, for years and years and years, She now tries to encourage me and tells me I have everything I need to find a way to cope and survive. Such pleasant and well-toned advice after such a dramatic building up point.
So, do I recommend looking for God? Of course, that is a decision only an individual can make. I would only beg you to try to be more prepared than I was. As the saying goes, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.